His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
