he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
