with your own penis?
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
