thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Welp...herpes.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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