dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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