Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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