just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Randomize
