Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
