M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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