Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
