I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
