i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
