"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
