separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
