my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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