A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
