I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
