made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
