the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
