My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
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