Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize
