I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
