I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
FUCK WHALES
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
