So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
