Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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