i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
