It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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