I think I won the penis lottery.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
