just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
