The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
