Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
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