So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
