my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
