gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
