youre lurking in front of me
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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