dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
