perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
