wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
