Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
