What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
