Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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