You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
