I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
i drank out of a bidet.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
