I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Randomize