well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
