also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
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