Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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