is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Randomize
