so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
