he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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