So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
