Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
