You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
