I need to stop coming to work sober
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
