she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Randomize
