We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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