so explain again why im purple
no
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
it was like eating out sand paper
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
