i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I will be naked everywhere
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
