There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
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