Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
