She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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