We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
