she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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