Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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