so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Watching her eat just hurts me
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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