Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
