just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
