she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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