he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
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