please come you make the beer taste better
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
