Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
His nipple licking is glorious
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