Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
