and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
