It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
