Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
