I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
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