we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
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