i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
