I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
