are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
