You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
There are leaves in my underwear?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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