I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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