i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize