Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
