I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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