My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
