Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
