I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
