I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
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Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
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I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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