I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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