I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
