ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
