Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
