there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I need a beard to bite.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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